V-Day Fantasies

Since smart people are usually alone on Valentine's Day because we don't settle for bum holes like everyone else, we have decided to create our perfect V-day scenarios with those few film stars nearly good enough for us.  After the jump.

Caitlin:

All she had to say about her date with Hugh Jackman was this:

Wowzers Caitlin. Did you wear bugspray?


Kevin:

It was 3am and I couldn't sleep. I was squirming on my bed, untouched, unsatisfied, lonely, afraid of the night. The phone rang. I was startled. I answered. The voice was smokey, dressed in tweed and satin, it whispered passion. It was Susan Sarandon. She told me to put on my leather ass-less chaps and pig mask and meet her in central park, where she'd be wearing a nothing but a feather boa and have a picnic set up for me. I arrived, Susan, naked save her glittery boa, had arranged an assortment of desserts, many of them chocolate. I reached for them, she squealed and whipped my bottom with her dark whip. "No!" she screamed. I reached again. Another lashing. Over and over, until I lost my hunger for the chocolate, and instead devoured her.

Jaz:


It was raining outside. I was cold and shivering and wrapped up in a soft blanket. I still couldn't get warm. I heard a knock at my door accompanied by a british accent demanding me to open up. When I opened the door I was shocked to see a dazzling set of perfect white teeth and raw sensuality just waiting to be tested. It was Michael Sheen. After he warmed me up for about 3 hours by an open fire we were insatiably hungry. We stepped out into the frozen night holding hands and planning an adventure of danger and intrigue, that is after we went to the Olive Garden for their endless soup, salad, and breadsticks. At the end of the night as we were walking away from the exploding building carrying the duffel bags full of money, we laughed.

                                  Michael Sheen is the only element of Twilight we endorse.