We'll be on Hiatus

Dearest Sporkers,
We will be on hiatus for a short time while the Film Spork crew works at being adults and such. See you soon!

Our Interview Virginity Is Lost On Ms. Brea Grant!

I had the pleasure of contacting actress/author/geek Brea Grant (Heroes, Homecoming, WWBY) in our very first FilmSpork interview! Brea is extremely busy filming two major projects right now, one of which involves a kick-ass motorcycle, so she was kind enough to give us a mini interview until her schedule opens up for something more in-depth. Enjoy dearies and post any questions you would like me to ask in the follow up!

Photo by Kit Williamson

Read the interview after the jump...

The Rise of the Female Comedian

I have thought long and hard (take a moment to get the penis jokes out of your system..ready? No? I'll wait.) As I was saying I have thought long and hard upon the topic of female comedy or more accurately a female's role in the comedy universe. As someone who is herself hysterically funny, I can't help but daydream about my potential future as a funny lady in the entertainment industry. But in a time of heavily saturated male comedy, is there room for funny women in Hollywood?

Tah-dah

Find out after the jump...

Watch This

It's a webseries.  It's good.  The cool kids are watching.

THE CONFESSION

TRIUMVIRATE OF AWESOME!!

Alan Alda.  Allison Janney.  Meryl Streep.  

"Opening night of the World Science Festival in New York is going to feature a more glittering lineup of stars than most Broadway shows. Meryl Streep, Amy Adams, Allison Janney, Liev Schreiber, David Morse and Bill Camp are among the actors coming together on June 1 at Alice Tully Hall to participate in a reading of a new play written by Alan Alda about the scientist Marie Curie." - NY Times

If you don't know me, you won't understand how huge this is.
Well...

Melancholia: a mental condition marked by persistent depression and ill-founded fears.

...or in my case, a mental condition marked by persistent dedication and ill-founded obsession.

... with Kiefer.

Which led me to create a google video email notification (during, I swear, a moment of legitimate research), which led me to see this trailer by the (insert adjective) Lars Von Trier.

MELANCHOLIA.

T-Minus 5 days

Our beloved Prince William from England is set to marry is honeybunnygoogilypie Kate Middleton this upcoming Friday. It shall be a glorious event. Stay Tuned for exclusive wedding news and opinions from non-other-than FILMSPORK!

FilmSpork is unhealthily obsessed with Royalty

Arnold Promised He'd "Be Back!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger has finally figured out that making movies is way more fun that demolishing California's economy. He has announced his comeback to acting and promises he will be venturing into unknown territory!

I keep all my non-political promises

Find out what after the jump...

Jaz Is Finally Old Enough To See A Scream Sequel In Theaters!

Folks it is finally happening! Scream 4 will be in theaters in 12 days and I am old enough to see it in theaters without the accompaniment of a parent or guardian. This is a first for me involving the Scream franchise so please excuse my excitement.

Read my intelligent prose about Scream after the jump...

Hollywood Casts Plastic Surgery Holdout Jennifer Garner As Infamous Elderly Spinster Detective Miss Marple

It has been reported that Walt Disney has purchased the rights to Miss Marple, and that they are planning a new film franchise set to star Jennifer Garner, who is 38 years old. Many are calling it a re-invention of the character.  Defenders of the change, while conceding Hollywood's age bias, have even said that the "old lady" version has already been successfully portrayed, and that it's time for a different, even sexier take.

Let me explain why that is wrong. On so many levels. After the jump.

Please, listen to the lovely Miss Marple Theme as you read.

Joan Fontaine & Olivia de Havilland Refuse To Speak To Each Other And/Or Die

Olivia is known to have been an infamous bitch to her lovely sister, but a lovely friend to infamous bitch Bette Davis

The death of a Hollywood legend at this late stage of modern humanity begs the question: who the hell is still ticking? Everyone (or - everyone who matters) knows that Doris Day will outlive the sun, and that Lauren Bacall is murmuring husky voiced nothings to her pet Papillon in some grand Manhattan loft.  But Taylor was merely a sickly mutant '50s screen goddess...what of those '30s divas who have yet to pop their clogs? FAB FEUDS AFTER THE JUMP

Apparently, Lindsay Lohan Has Nothing Better To Do

Sporkers,
The once adorable ginger haired sweetie we all miss from "The Parent Trap" and that movie where Tyra Banks is a doll who becomes human, is making a HUGE life change.

Let ME tell them the good news Tyra!

Find out what after the jump!

Because Jen Will Look Like An Ass If She Doesn't....

RIP, Elizabeth. I won't try to follow my co-bloggers' lovely eulogies, but: May the world never call you "Liz" in earnest again. It may "sound like a hiss," but that that hiss will be remembered as brassy, warm, brazen, Rubenesque and otherworldly, yet never completely untouchable.

Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky is Dead.

Elizabeth Taylor, violet eyed and raven haired, descended from the aethers of the universe into the international consciousness in 1944's National Velvet as a young girl who unexpectedly rides a horse to victory. Half a century later, in 1994, she made her final silver screen performance as Fred Flinstone's mother in law. In between she made screen history when allowed to sizzle, in films like Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, A Place in the Sun, and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.  And yet, Taylor was no Garbo, Davis, or Streep -- her quieter performances tended to bore more than bewitch.

Heaven Has a New Drunken Angel

Dame Elizabeth Taylor died today surrounded by family and friends. She had been suffering from Congestive Heart failure amongst a list of other ailments. She was 79.

Two babes acting in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof."

More of the Dame after the jump...

A Brief History of Homosexual PDAs on the Boob Tube

So Harry Potter finally kissed Chris Colfer on a gleeful little show the children can see (aka a network program!) and the most prominent person to get upset about it is some washed up SNL  crazy married to a fire breathing magician. Indeed, the gay network television kiss is no longer a huge deal. But once upon a time, such a thing took courage and made history, and advertisers got UPSET. So, gay network teevee history after the JUMP!

100th Post Dedicated To Harry Potter

The moment Mrs. Rogers read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to the class in the 6th grade I was hooked. Now, 13, 12, 11 okay 13 years later, that magic is coming to an end this July and with it millions of childhoods. My innocence and child-like wonder are being shut down tighter than a Gringott's vault. 

If Time Magazine says so, it must be true

More HP after the jump...

Extra! Extra! Another Hot Brit Gets Down With His Bad Self

Dearest Sporkers.  I apologize for the short hiatus. I have been busy taking little children to the ER and listening to 5th grade boys disclose little gems of wisdom that include: "Miley Cyrus. She's barely even an actress. She's really only an ordinary girl, just like you and me." Clearly, he was unimpressed with The Last Song. Kids these days. (Maybe he should join FilmSpork as a guest writer.)

To repent for my absence, I am presenting you with a very special treat of the weird eye-candy variety. (My favorite!) Who else is in love with Aaron Johnson, that fetching young Brit whom I adore for Kick-Ass, and loathe respect entirely for removing himself from the eligibility market with a 43-year-old director?

 

I know, I know. You all just raised your hands. And even better than those lips, folks, is this: Johnson performing a crazy-sexy-joyful, borderline-alarming solo dance along London's Brick Lane to REM's new single "Überlin."

Yes, it's more than slightly reminiscent of the video for Radiohead's "Lotus Flower." But really. Who would you rather watch shake his groove thing? Tiny, creepy (albeit brilliant) elf Thom Yorke? Or the Sex God himself? (All you Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging fans know where it's at.)

 Be sure to watch the moves at 2:22. They may become a new dance party staple.

Gilbert Gottfried Fired For Being A Loudmouth

Over the past week, the islands of Japan have been hit by devastating earthquakes, tidal waves, and radiation. Deaths are already in the hundreds of thousands. Over here in the untouched U.S (except for larger than average waves) folks are taking it upon themselves to exploit this tragedy. There's the crazy christian girl who praised God for giving the Atheists a sign of his existence. Then there is Gilbert Gottfried.

You're my only friend Quackers McDuck

Read what he said after the jump...

Fiery Smart Redhead To Play Opinionated Inarticulate Brunette

Move over Emmy-Award-Winning Tina Fey, there's a new girl playing former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin: Ms. Julianne Moore! HBO is producing a movie revolving around the 2008 presidential election based on the book Game Change.

She needs an Oscar already.

Find out what Film Spork thinks after the jump