Extra! Extra! Another Hot Brit Gets Down With His Bad Self

Dearest Sporkers.  I apologize for the short hiatus. I have been busy taking little children to the ER and listening to 5th grade boys disclose little gems of wisdom that include: "Miley Cyrus. She's barely even an actress. She's really only an ordinary girl, just like you and me." Clearly, he was unimpressed with The Last Song. Kids these days. (Maybe he should join FilmSpork as a guest writer.)

To repent for my absence, I am presenting you with a very special treat of the weird eye-candy variety. (My favorite!) Who else is in love with Aaron Johnson, that fetching young Brit whom I adore for Kick-Ass, and loathe respect entirely for removing himself from the eligibility market with a 43-year-old director?

 

I know, I know. You all just raised your hands. And even better than those lips, folks, is this: Johnson performing a crazy-sexy-joyful, borderline-alarming solo dance along London's Brick Lane to REM's new single "Überlin."

Yes, it's more than slightly reminiscent of the video for Radiohead's "Lotus Flower." But really. Who would you rather watch shake his groove thing? Tiny, creepy (albeit brilliant) elf Thom Yorke? Or the Sex God himself? (All you Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging fans know where it's at.)

 Be sure to watch the moves at 2:22. They may become a new dance party staple.

Hobbit Escapes His 20s, Is Still Definitely Not Gay

Approximately 9 months and 30 years ago this very day, a husband and wife with a lovely mix of German, English, Austrian, and Danish ancestry copulated and conceived Hollywood masterpiece Elijah Wood, who today turns old enough to get a real job.

The actor, known for humongous eyes and a role in the misguided family classic "North," has not said what he will do to celebrate, as his private life is very private. But it will definitely not be something gay. Very likely, the star, who has appeared in a Paula Abdul music video and in a film called "Deep Impact," will grab a beer with some guy friends and catch a football game or something, and who knows, maybe even hit on a few chicks.

Happy Birthday, Elijah. Since 30 is known as "gay death," you are ever so fortunate not to be gay.