T-Minus 5 days

Our beloved Prince William from England is set to marry is honeybunnygoogilypie Kate Middleton this upcoming Friday. It shall be a glorious event. Stay Tuned for exclusive wedding news and opinions from non-other-than FILMSPORK!

FilmSpork is unhealthily obsessed with Royalty

Arnold Promised He'd "Be Back!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger has finally figured out that making movies is way more fun that demolishing California's economy. He has announced his comeback to acting and promises he will be venturing into unknown territory!

I keep all my non-political promises

Find out what after the jump...

Jaz Is Finally Old Enough To See A Scream Sequel In Theaters!

Folks it is finally happening! Scream 4 will be in theaters in 12 days and I am old enough to see it in theaters without the accompaniment of a parent or guardian. This is a first for me involving the Scream franchise so please excuse my excitement.

Read my intelligent prose about Scream after the jump...

Hollywood Casts Plastic Surgery Holdout Jennifer Garner As Infamous Elderly Spinster Detective Miss Marple

It has been reported that Walt Disney has purchased the rights to Miss Marple, and that they are planning a new film franchise set to star Jennifer Garner, who is 38 years old. Many are calling it a re-invention of the character.  Defenders of the change, while conceding Hollywood's age bias, have even said that the "old lady" version has already been successfully portrayed, and that it's time for a different, even sexier take.

Let me explain why that is wrong. On so many levels. After the jump.

Please, listen to the lovely Miss Marple Theme as you read.

Joan Fontaine & Olivia de Havilland Refuse To Speak To Each Other And/Or Die

Olivia is known to have been an infamous bitch to her lovely sister, but a lovely friend to infamous bitch Bette Davis

The death of a Hollywood legend at this late stage of modern humanity begs the question: who the hell is still ticking? Everyone (or - everyone who matters) knows that Doris Day will outlive the sun, and that Lauren Bacall is murmuring husky voiced nothings to her pet Papillon in some grand Manhattan loft.  But Taylor was merely a sickly mutant '50s screen goddess...what of those '30s divas who have yet to pop their clogs? FAB FEUDS AFTER THE JUMP

Apparently, Lindsay Lohan Has Nothing Better To Do

Sporkers,
The once adorable ginger haired sweetie we all miss from "The Parent Trap" and that movie where Tyra Banks is a doll who becomes human, is making a HUGE life change.

Let ME tell them the good news Tyra!

Find out what after the jump!

Because Jen Will Look Like An Ass If She Doesn't....

RIP, Elizabeth. I won't try to follow my co-bloggers' lovely eulogies, but: May the world never call you "Liz" in earnest again. It may "sound like a hiss," but that that hiss will be remembered as brassy, warm, brazen, Rubenesque and otherworldly, yet never completely untouchable.

Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky is Dead.

Elizabeth Taylor, violet eyed and raven haired, descended from the aethers of the universe into the international consciousness in 1944's National Velvet as a young girl who unexpectedly rides a horse to victory. Half a century later, in 1994, she made her final silver screen performance as Fred Flinstone's mother in law. In between she made screen history when allowed to sizzle, in films like Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, A Place in the Sun, and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.  And yet, Taylor was no Garbo, Davis, or Streep -- her quieter performances tended to bore more than bewitch.

Heaven Has a New Drunken Angel

Dame Elizabeth Taylor died today surrounded by family and friends. She had been suffering from Congestive Heart failure amongst a list of other ailments. She was 79.

Two babes acting in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof."

More of the Dame after the jump...

A Brief History of Homosexual PDAs on the Boob Tube

So Harry Potter finally kissed Chris Colfer on a gleeful little show the children can see (aka a network program!) and the most prominent person to get upset about it is some washed up SNL  crazy married to a fire breathing magician. Indeed, the gay network television kiss is no longer a huge deal. But once upon a time, such a thing took courage and made history, and advertisers got UPSET. So, gay network teevee history after the JUMP!