It's Sporklie Time! (Un-American Edition)

Alright, it's time to hand out another mildly highly sought-after Sporklie. This time, let's show some love for those poor, poor films that aren't fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work with Michael Bay, be funded by the Weinstein Brothers, or utilize the undervalued Method skills of Charlie Sheen or Tara Reid. And so I present you/je vous présente/ich stelle dich vor/I представи ви (Bulgarian, duh) with the winner of the Sporklie for Best Foreign Film....AFTER THE JUMP, of course!

Tati's Last Wish: "May Every 20-Something See 'L'Illusionniste' and Get Laid"

My dearest Sporkettes (Sporkinis? Sporkers? Spatulas?),

In light of my last post endorsing two rather naughty Oscar contenders, I've decided to give my seal of approval to another Oscar-nominated foreign film that is family friendly. And I don't mean "family friendly" in the way that "Dogtooth" or "The Dreamers" meant it. In fact, it has earned my just-now created elusive prize for "Most Date-Worthy Date Movie." Read: There are no awkward love scenes, no one's head gets blown off, and it doesn't star a Jennifer, Ashton, Gerard or Jamie. Read further: It will probably provoke thoughtful discussion, earn you/your date hyper-cool, artsy-fartsy points, offend few sensibilities, and (most importantly) make sure you both get laid go home happy.

"The Illusionist," Sylvain Chomet's second feature (following 2003's "The Triplets of Belleville"), is a breathtakingly-animated love letter not to France, but to the rugged beauty of Edinburgh. Though based on a previously unproduced script by Jacques Tati and featuring a protagonist that draws heavily on Tati's famed Monsieur Hulot, Chomet's film has a poignancy and sweetness unmatched by his Film God of a predecessor. To clear things up: yes, I saw it on a date. And yes, my date earned triple-digit cool points for not automatically assuming that I'm the type of girl who likes really disgustingly deranged foreign films. He'll figure this out later.


READ ON to discover to awesomely awesome...and awesomely bad....date movies.

Oedipus Sex

So, kiddlings, while we're on the theme of incest...

What's that? Were we not discussing illicit family relations? My mistake. Now we are.

It has come to my attention that two of my new favorite films prompted me to gasp, boggle-eyed and strangely intrigued, "He's putting what, where? That's his sister!"; "She's kissing whom on the what? That's her son!"


    Oscar nom Jacki Weaver really, really enjoys the company of her son in Australian crime thriller "Animal Kingdom."

The Greeks prove once again (though sorry Yorgos; Sophocles got there just a titch before you) that they are the masters of things-that-make-us-go-"ick" in this Best Foreign Film nominee. It's like an episode of "Leave it to Beaver." But then pretend David Lynch got his hands on it and made it really, really disgusting. Perfect. Abhorrent! If nothing else, watch for the deranged "Flashdance" dance sequence at the end.