We'll be on Hiatus

Dearest Sporkers,
We will be on hiatus for a short time while the Film Spork crew works at being adults and such. See you soon!

Our Interview Virginity Is Lost On Ms. Brea Grant!

I had the pleasure of contacting actress/author/geek Brea Grant (Heroes, Homecoming, WWBY) in our very first FilmSpork interview! Brea is extremely busy filming two major projects right now, one of which involves a kick-ass motorcycle, so she was kind enough to give us a mini interview until her schedule opens up for something more in-depth. Enjoy dearies and post any questions you would like me to ask in the follow up!

Photo by Kit Williamson

Read the interview after the jump...

The Rise of the Female Comedian

I have thought long and hard (take a moment to get the penis jokes out of your system..ready? No? I'll wait.) As I was saying I have thought long and hard upon the topic of female comedy or more accurately a female's role in the comedy universe. As someone who is herself hysterically funny, I can't help but daydream about my potential future as a funny lady in the entertainment industry. But in a time of heavily saturated male comedy, is there room for funny women in Hollywood?

Tah-dah

Find out after the jump...

Watch This

It's a webseries.  It's good.  The cool kids are watching.

THE CONFESSION

TRIUMVIRATE OF AWESOME!!

Alan Alda.  Allison Janney.  Meryl Streep.  

"Opening night of the World Science Festival in New York is going to feature a more glittering lineup of stars than most Broadway shows. Meryl Streep, Amy Adams, Allison Janney, Liev Schreiber, David Morse and Bill Camp are among the actors coming together on June 1 at Alice Tully Hall to participate in a reading of a new play written by Alan Alda about the scientist Marie Curie." - NY Times

If you don't know me, you won't understand how huge this is.
Well...

Melancholia: a mental condition marked by persistent depression and ill-founded fears.

...or in my case, a mental condition marked by persistent dedication and ill-founded obsession.

... with Kiefer.

Which led me to create a google video email notification (during, I swear, a moment of legitimate research), which led me to see this trailer by the (insert adjective) Lars Von Trier.

MELANCHOLIA.

T-Minus 5 days

Our beloved Prince William from England is set to marry is honeybunnygoogilypie Kate Middleton this upcoming Friday. It shall be a glorious event. Stay Tuned for exclusive wedding news and opinions from non-other-than FILMSPORK!

FilmSpork is unhealthily obsessed with Royalty

Arnold Promised He'd "Be Back!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger has finally figured out that making movies is way more fun that demolishing California's economy. He has announced his comeback to acting and promises he will be venturing into unknown territory!

I keep all my non-political promises

Find out what after the jump...

Jaz Is Finally Old Enough To See A Scream Sequel In Theaters!

Folks it is finally happening! Scream 4 will be in theaters in 12 days and I am old enough to see it in theaters without the accompaniment of a parent or guardian. This is a first for me involving the Scream franchise so please excuse my excitement.

Read my intelligent prose about Scream after the jump...

Hollywood Casts Plastic Surgery Holdout Jennifer Garner As Infamous Elderly Spinster Detective Miss Marple

It has been reported that Walt Disney has purchased the rights to Miss Marple, and that they are planning a new film franchise set to star Jennifer Garner, who is 38 years old. Many are calling it a re-invention of the character.  Defenders of the change, while conceding Hollywood's age bias, have even said that the "old lady" version has already been successfully portrayed, and that it's time for a different, even sexier take.

Let me explain why that is wrong. On so many levels. After the jump.

Please, listen to the lovely Miss Marple Theme as you read.

Joan Fontaine & Olivia de Havilland Refuse To Speak To Each Other And/Or Die

Olivia is known to have been an infamous bitch to her lovely sister, but a lovely friend to infamous bitch Bette Davis

The death of a Hollywood legend at this late stage of modern humanity begs the question: who the hell is still ticking? Everyone (or - everyone who matters) knows that Doris Day will outlive the sun, and that Lauren Bacall is murmuring husky voiced nothings to her pet Papillon in some grand Manhattan loft.  But Taylor was merely a sickly mutant '50s screen goddess...what of those '30s divas who have yet to pop their clogs? FAB FEUDS AFTER THE JUMP

Apparently, Lindsay Lohan Has Nothing Better To Do

Sporkers,
The once adorable ginger haired sweetie we all miss from "The Parent Trap" and that movie where Tyra Banks is a doll who becomes human, is making a HUGE life change.

Let ME tell them the good news Tyra!

Find out what after the jump!

Because Jen Will Look Like An Ass If She Doesn't....

RIP, Elizabeth. I won't try to follow my co-bloggers' lovely eulogies, but: May the world never call you "Liz" in earnest again. It may "sound like a hiss," but that that hiss will be remembered as brassy, warm, brazen, Rubenesque and otherworldly, yet never completely untouchable.

Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky is Dead.

Elizabeth Taylor, violet eyed and raven haired, descended from the aethers of the universe into the international consciousness in 1944's National Velvet as a young girl who unexpectedly rides a horse to victory. Half a century later, in 1994, she made her final silver screen performance as Fred Flinstone's mother in law. In between she made screen history when allowed to sizzle, in films like Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, A Place in the Sun, and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.  And yet, Taylor was no Garbo, Davis, or Streep -- her quieter performances tended to bore more than bewitch.

Heaven Has a New Drunken Angel

Dame Elizabeth Taylor died today surrounded by family and friends. She had been suffering from Congestive Heart failure amongst a list of other ailments. She was 79.

Two babes acting in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof."

More of the Dame after the jump...

A Brief History of Homosexual PDAs on the Boob Tube

So Harry Potter finally kissed Chris Colfer on a gleeful little show the children can see (aka a network program!) and the most prominent person to get upset about it is some washed up SNL  crazy married to a fire breathing magician. Indeed, the gay network television kiss is no longer a huge deal. But once upon a time, such a thing took courage and made history, and advertisers got UPSET. So, gay network teevee history after the JUMP!

100th Post Dedicated To Harry Potter

The moment Mrs. Rogers read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to the class in the 6th grade I was hooked. Now, 13, 12, 11 okay 13 years later, that magic is coming to an end this July and with it millions of childhoods. My innocence and child-like wonder are being shut down tighter than a Gringott's vault. 

If Time Magazine says so, it must be true

More HP after the jump...

Extra! Extra! Another Hot Brit Gets Down With His Bad Self

Dearest Sporkers.  I apologize for the short hiatus. I have been busy taking little children to the ER and listening to 5th grade boys disclose little gems of wisdom that include: "Miley Cyrus. She's barely even an actress. She's really only an ordinary girl, just like you and me." Clearly, he was unimpressed with The Last Song. Kids these days. (Maybe he should join FilmSpork as a guest writer.)

To repent for my absence, I am presenting you with a very special treat of the weird eye-candy variety. (My favorite!) Who else is in love with Aaron Johnson, that fetching young Brit whom I adore for Kick-Ass, and loathe respect entirely for removing himself from the eligibility market with a 43-year-old director?

 

I know, I know. You all just raised your hands. And even better than those lips, folks, is this: Johnson performing a crazy-sexy-joyful, borderline-alarming solo dance along London's Brick Lane to REM's new single "Überlin."

Yes, it's more than slightly reminiscent of the video for Radiohead's "Lotus Flower." But really. Who would you rather watch shake his groove thing? Tiny, creepy (albeit brilliant) elf Thom Yorke? Or the Sex God himself? (All you Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging fans know where it's at.)

 Be sure to watch the moves at 2:22. They may become a new dance party staple.

Gilbert Gottfried Fired For Being A Loudmouth

Over the past week, the islands of Japan have been hit by devastating earthquakes, tidal waves, and radiation. Deaths are already in the hundreds of thousands. Over here in the untouched U.S (except for larger than average waves) folks are taking it upon themselves to exploit this tragedy. There's the crazy christian girl who praised God for giving the Atheists a sign of his existence. Then there is Gilbert Gottfried.

You're my only friend Quackers McDuck

Read what he said after the jump...

Fiery Smart Redhead To Play Opinionated Inarticulate Brunette

Move over Emmy-Award-Winning Tina Fey, there's a new girl playing former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin: Ms. Julianne Moore! HBO is producing a movie revolving around the 2008 presidential election based on the book Game Change.

She needs an Oscar already.

Find out what Film Spork thinks after the jump

Charlie Sheen: Def Jam

Charlie Sheen has been falling into a downward spiral of insanity for the past few months. What makes him gloriously different from other deteriorating celebs is that Charlie Sheen is batsh*t crazy and he KNOWS it.

This is what a warlock looks like

This guy is like these potato stick snacks I had once, sort of repulsive at first but there was something addictive about them and before long the entire bag was gone. I thought it would be fun to create a game ( play below) based on Mr. Ridiculous himself so we can all feel a little bit like Charlie Sheen. Y'know without any of those nasty consequences like getting fired from the sweetest gig on the planet, losing custody of your kids, and believing you're a winner, even though you look like an extra from The Walking Dead.

Create your very own Sheen Rant after the jump...

I {Don't} Heart Huckabee

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has been caught on record stating that Academy Award winning Harvard graduate Natalie Portman is "glamorizing"  being a smart, successful, and classy woman having babies out of wedlock. Apparently, having a child with someone you love is sending a bad message to all the impressionable young'uns out there.  Natalie had this to say as a response.

Sporkers, Slowly Taking Over The World.

My dearest Sporkers,

It is time that we banded together for something that is close to Film Sporks heart.  Make yourselves comfy and I shall spin you a wondrous tale full of adventure, intrigue, and newspapers.

Apparently this guy can fly

                                 

                               

After the jump of coarse you silly readers...

The Bad and the Beautiful and Kirk Douglas

The 83rd Annual Academy Awards was supposed to be for the pretty kids. The veteran comic talents of Alec Baldwin and Whoopi Goldberg were largely abandoned, to be replaced by the manic-depressive double act of Shining Sexy Movie Stars Anne Hathaway and James Franco.

Look what I can do!

And Anne and James were reliably childlike. She couldn't stop twirling, giggling, smiling, and playing designer dress-up like an overly-agreeable live mannequin. He was mostly concerned with his too-cool-to-care image, which he maintained via his twitter (and his mother and grandmother's twitters), his "I'm hosting the Oscars" backstage documentary, and occasionally, the actual on stage duties of hosting the Oscars ("Congratulations, nerds," he quipped after the technical awards recap). The New York Times described it as Debbie Reynolds hosting with James Dean. Perhaps. But they at least would have made it work, instead of making it look like work.

Thankfully, when the beautiful are bad, the aged get assertive. Enter the Quintet of Oldies who stole the Oscars, after the JUMP!

Aaron Sorkin Wins...Gives Film Spork Staff Hope

I am honored to announce that THE Aaron Sorkin won a bald golden guy statue thing. As none-of-you know he graduated from the same university as our staff at Film Spork. It sorta gives us hope that maybe we can survive long enough on our crappy restaurant income to make/write a movie that means something. Sorkin if you are reading this, please give us jobs, Syracuse University was expensive! Seriously, I'm hungry.

Melissa Leo Wins...

Melissa Leo wins the Best Supporting Actress Oscar! It was probably the support from Film Spork that gave her that extra edge. We like her even better in real life because she swears and steals Kirk Douglas' cane when she walks off stage.

The Oscars so far so good.

So far so good. Anne Hathaway is f-ing killing it. James Franco should have bought better weed. Oh Tom Hanks is coming on right now!

It's Sporklie Time! (Un-American Edition)

Alright, it's time to hand out another mildly highly sought-after Sporklie. This time, let's show some love for those poor, poor films that aren't fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work with Michael Bay, be funded by the Weinstein Brothers, or utilize the undervalued Method skills of Charlie Sheen or Tara Reid. And so I present you/je vous présente/ich stelle dich vor/I представи ви (Bulgarian, duh) with the winner of the Sporklie for Best Foreign Film....AFTER THE JUMP, of course!

A New Era Begins, The Biebs Has Cut His Hair

When you think of Justin Bieber what comes to mind? Smooth vocals, nice clothes, Canada? No, it would be that long and luscious comb forward full of mysterious powers beyond all that we as mere humans understand. But the Biebs has CUT IT ALL OFF! And... Justin Bieber is a boy?

                                         Look at that shine and bounce

You didn't think I would reveal the new haircut right away did you? See it after the jump!

Another Sporklie

The juiciest category in any Oscar season is Best Supporting Actress, where the Academy awards the actress who dismisses "supporting" status and instead steals the show.

The list of winners comprises an Olympus-worthy assortment of Elite Aesthetes, from Meryl Streep to Mo'Nique, who expertly concluded that smaller parts require bigger acting (and a cigarette).

Step Right Up, Sporklie #2 Goes To....

Annnd, ladies and gentlemen, as the proud presenter of the Oscar for most GQ-Worthy Sidekick Sporklie for Best Supporting Actor, I would like to call...

Think you're going to find out that easily, Sporkers? Think again! More after the jump.

The Daily Ryan

Perhaps you are aware that our Ryan is starring in the upcoming super-hero sex flick "The Green Lantern." But did you know that there's also a video game where you can actually be Ryan? And did you know that this video game is called "Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters?" YOU CAN BE RYAN REYNOLDS IN GREEN SPANDEX AND HUNT FOR MEN.

Surely the bestest Daily Ryan in several days, or my name's not Kevin Reynolds.

Sadly, it's not.

Yet.

The First Sporklie Spork Award Goes To...

The Sporklie Awards, which hereby commence on this laudable date in time of history and such things, do not exist as a mere echo of critical establishment, nor as a fawning gesture of thin praise, nor as a mockery of film.  A Sporklie is not an Oscar, it is not a Golden Globe, and it is not a Razzie. A Sporklie Spork honors other qualities.  With certainty, yes, a Sporklie upholds Truth, Beauty, Freedom, Love, and the whole Moulin Rouge. But a Sporklie, above all of this, stands for something else: Justice. The Spork is able to slide through the soup of talent and stab that which is juiciest, rescuing it from the stewy bottom and cradling it to the surface, to be devoured with appreciation and glee, for Justice to be Served.

And in the name of Justice, a Sporklie serves the Oscar Snubbed.  Film Spork hereby announces the Sporklie Spork for Leading Actress in a Motion Picture, after the JUMP!

Marion Cotillard To Be Cast In The Dark Knight Sequel, Jaz Buys Package Of Depends For Potential Accidents Due To Excitement

Marion Cotillard, America's Parisian sweetheart and one of my favorite human beings is going to be playing the love interest of Bruce Wayne in the newest Batman film. She will be teaming up once again with "Inception" director Chris Nolan and will be joining the already stellar cast of Anne Hathaway, Tom Harding, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Gary Oldman.
More after the jump..

MARION! Seriously, we can't give you enough good press.

Adele Owns Brit Awards, Relies On Music Instead Of Giant Egg And Pointy Shoulders

Here she be.  The part where she nearly cries, she claims she was thinking about her ex-boyfriend. I think there may be an EGOT in her future.

Happy One Year Anniversary of the Film That Mortally Wounded the Romantic Comedy

Several months later, James L. Brooks followed up with the kill shot.

On the bright side, even if you're spending Valentine's Day trolling the internet, correcting your coupled Facebook frenemies' ungrammatical spellings of "Valentines Day," (a thankless task, I know) it's probably more interesting than anything that happens in either of these films.

Don't worry, the day's almost over. Take a nap, grasp your pillows, whisky helps.

V-Day Fantasies

Since smart people are usually alone on Valentine's Day because we don't settle for bum holes like everyone else, we have decided to create our perfect V-day scenarios with those few film stars nearly good enough for us.  After the jump.

Cross-Eyed Opossum To Predict Oscar Winners

Germany's biggest celebrity, behind Christoph Waltz of course, is Heidi the cross-eyed opossum. This year the Leipzig zoo resident will be given the chance to pick her winners for the Oscars following Paul the Octopus's successful reign as Germany's oracle (R.I.P.).

More after the jump

Betty Garrett, Sinatra Musical Co-Star and Dirty Commie, Is As Dead As Khrushchev

Kind of rings a bell, doesn't she? Well, in the '40s she danced with the hottest stars of the day, in the '50s she was blacklisted, in the '60s she guest starred on The Fugitive, in the '70s she did sitcoms, in the '80s she did Murder She Wrote, in the '90s she did Boston Public, in the '00s she did Grey's Anatomy, and in the '10s she died and her obits called her a "Character Actress." That's what happens to commies. Still, she will be missed. And really, what have you done in your life? Probably not Jeff Bridges' Godfather. She was 91. Was.  : (

She's really dancing with the stars now. 

Readers Are Officially Called Sporkers!

Sorry Kevin, you lose the poll on "What To Call Our Readers." Sporkers finally took the lead after being tied with Sporklies for a good 18 hours. The final results ended with a whopping 5 votes in favor of Sporkers compared to 3 measly votes for Sporklies. You shall have your day in the sun, Kevin. As a 2nd place gift we shall dub our future awards show "The Sporklies."  I think our award should look like this:

The Daily Spader

Hiya, Sporkers! Long time no chat. With me, at least. I'm in an uncharacteristically chipper mood today, so I thought that called for a little/large/smoldering/creepy/sexy/whatever dose of your Daily Spader. Which, actually, is turning more into a Weekly Spader.* But let's all forgive the misnomer and move on with our sick and twisted lives, yeah? In last week's post, we discovered how undeniably hot Mr. Spader can make one of Cronenberg's nightmarish fetishes look. This week, we discover that someone can actually pale Susan Sarandon's hotness in comparison. And that person is....ta-daaaa....James!

This still is from a little movie from 1990 called "White Castle Palace." Spader, playing the world's youngest and hottest widower, falls for Sarandon, the world's hottest middle-aged (?) working-class waitress. And hilarity ensues! No, wait. Lots of drama and illicit relations ensue. That's more like it. Readers, let's be gentle and forgive James for the unfortunate early-nineties perm. We all make mistakes.


*Once again, there is no relevant news to tie this posting to current events in any way. Actually, we should probably just accept the fact that most of my Daily Spader posts will be completely untimely until dear James finds some more work. I will throw in this fun fact as a sort-of apology: James's middle name is Todd! Thank God he's hot.

Hollywood To Release Atlas Shrugged Part 1, Attempt To Profit Off Of Ayn Rand's Individual Creative Energy

Fun Fact: Director Paul Johansson is known for directing particularly uninteresting episodes of One Tree Hill.

Fun Fact II: To answer your question, John Galt  is actually Paul Johansson.

Fun Fact III: Fans of Ayn Rand probably weren't loved enough as children. Or loved too much.

After The Jump, another fun fact and a picture of what Ayn looks like now!

Justin Bieber Tops Adam Sandler AND Jennifer Aniston in One Night!

But he's still a lesbian.

And yet, while Never Say Never won the Friday box office, Just Go With It is still expected to take the weekend, because the idea is to always underestimate the Biebs.

The Daily Ryan

BREAKING: Ryan's ex, Scarlett Johansson, is currently seeing Sean Penn, who is now a 50 year old cross dresser.  Apparently they met while Scarlett almost joined Penn in Haiti.  Let's do a side by side, shall we?

Him?

Or Him?

White Stripes Break-up, Middle America Asks "That Gum With Those Zebra Tattoos?"

Funkadelic hipster types have even more reason to mope and not smile. The band The White Stripes have officially broken up. We shall no longer hear that blaring yet simple drum beat in scummy college bars or make-fun of our friends who are learning the melody to "Blue Orchid" on their dad's old guitar with the missing string. What the hell am I supposed to talk about when I want to impress those guys from that band that played at that coffee shop that one time?

More after the jump

Elizabeth Taylor Taps The Bucket With Her Crippled Foot, Bucket Wobbles, But Is Not Kicked

Lizzie's in the hospital. She's had heart failure for 7 years now, but the recent news that Angelina Jolie was set to play Cleopatra likely did her in.

Everybody spritz some White Diamonds, pray to MJ, and pour your lover another drink. This could be a long night.

Terminator Tweets That He Is, Indeed, Back

Modern renaissance cyborg Arnold Schwarzenegger has adorably tweeted to his fans that the whole Kennedy thang was fun but he'd like to try for that Oscar again.

"Exciting news," he twitted. "My friends at CAA have been asking me for 7 years when they can take offers seriously. Gave them the green light today," he twatted.

During his governorship, he restricted himself to cameo roles, such appearing alongside Jackie Chan in the modern re-make Around the World in 80 Days, which is best described as an indescribably bad picture.

Some say Arnold added camp value to "80 Days," others didn't see it 

New X-men Movie Trades Veteran Brit Actors With Sexy Voices For Young Brit Actors With Sexy Abs, JFK Has Cameo

It's called X-Men: First Class and it's probably better than the last one, but not the one before the last one. And I think the special effects look cheesy, but I probably don't get it. I just like the X-men themes, they resonate. (No, I don't think I'm more evolved than you, I just have secret claws).

Also, I was cruel to James McAvoy in the headline, he's both hot and talented and he's one of my favorite stage actors and after the jump is a picture I took of him at a stage door in London and he asked me if the signature I begged for was for my girlfriend. I said no.

Lady Gaga Releases Long Lost Madonna Single

It's not stillborn, but it is a preemie. Still, it's going to incubate in your head. Against your will. Also, I can do the "don't be a drag, just be a queen" voice really well. Like as a party trick.

LINK until video can be uploaded.

The Daily Ryan

I just love a man that can get away with wearing a scarf and a beard and still seem bad-ass. There's the Canadian side of you we know and love! Do you guys like Ryan better With or Without facial hair? Post your opinions.

Actress Makes Joke...Idiots Don't Get It

Winter's Bone actress and Oscar nominee for Best Actress Jennifer Lawrence made a joke the other day. When asked about her southern roots she stated that "Little redneck things still come out...I'm attracted to my brother, stuff like that." I like her. A young actress that already has the ability to mock herself.

More after the jump...

Disney Ekes a Living By Marketing To Increasingly Socially Inept Youthful Demographics

Walt Disney Studios Chairman and Hospice Nurse Rich Ross's first movie is about to come out! Rich Ross got the job because he created Lizzie McGuire and High School Musical 2.  The absolute first thing he did after becoming Chairman was to sign off on "Prom."

It's about a high school prom, and live students actually approaching each other and keeping eye contact long enough to ask a question about going to a "Prom" where they actually have to kind of touch each other. There's a hot white guy and hot white girl, a hot black guy and hot black girl, and a normal looking white guy and normal looking white girl, and a geeky white guy and hot asian girl, and millions and millions of tweens are going to care really really hard what happens.

The Daily Ryan

Fact: Alanis Morissette recorded her album "Flavors of Entanglement" while grieving over her break up with Ryan Reynolds. One blog review called the album her masterpiece.

Olivia Wilde is Single...Nerds Rejoice!

Tron: Legacy cutie and girl crush of mine Olivia Wilde has sadly broken up with her film-maker husband Tao Ruspoli. Does anyone else notice that when a woman becomes successful, her marriage shatters like cryogenic glass? I'm not a relationship expert and I'm trying to be unbiased about the whole situation but I'm basically gonna blame this all on Ruspoli. Tao I'm sure your penis is huge and you're a big strong man. No need to get envious of your former lover's success. I'm sure your documentaries are super duper.

In other news, a simultaneous surge of Olivia Wilde related posts have gone up in all World of Warcraft discussion boards and other nerd hangouts. I can just imagine them all jamming out to Daft Punk and watching Tron: Legacy clips on youtube as they stage a raid on the Alliance.

Presenting: The Iron Lady

Maggie Thatcher never looked so sexy, people. Now THAT is actin'.

Praise God for the 1980s and beloved sporklie Luke Tripp,  who submitted this tip

Mersus Speaks, after the jump.

"How much love, sex, fun and friendship can a person take?"

The Big Chill was an 1983 film starring Kevin Kline, Glenn Close, and Jeff Goldblum - about a group of friends who get together for a weekend to mourn the loss of a friend, and reminisce about the college years, when radicalism and idealism were still a part of their lives.  Some have called it self-indulgent, elitist, and a tale of 60s-hippie-turned-80s-yuppie, but I call it, simply wonderful.

And Regina King, AKA Southland's Detective Adams and 24's Sandra Palmer (relax, I said Sandra, not Sherry) agrees as she will produce the all-black-cast remake for Screen Gems.

Early Pushing Daisies Cancellation Ages Lee Pace Two Decades, While Uma Thurman Revealed To Have Benjamin Button Disease

So there's this movie that hit it big out of the Toronto Film Festival called "Ceremony" and the plot is like "My Best Friend's Wedding" except Julia Roberts is now a Napoleon Syndrome-afflicted Mr. Daring-Do, anyway the point is that the Cameron Diaz character type is played by Lee Pace and he looks so old, so awfully old, what have we done? What year is it anyway? Why?

Was it too many pies???